Spinning

Well, what else do you call it when your life seems upside down and going around in circles all at the same time? I call it spinning. And I've found myself doing it again. I get this crazy feeling inside that I can't see straight and my head feels like there are a thousand people in it screaming at me and crying for me and laughing because of me. And the craziness just can't be shaken. I search for the quiet but there's no time for it, I have to keep on keeping on or I'm going to loose. What I'm going to loose, I'm not really sure, but I don't want to find out. Sometimes I need a break from me.
Work has actually been work lately. Nothing new, I just don't have the heart for it anymore. I'm depressed and I don't really feel like doing anything anymore. But I've got to keep my chin up, "things aren't so bad" "you've got alot to be greateful for"Be strong for the kids, but I just want to crawl into a hole and sleep for years and years and then when the hurt and rejection is gone, I could come out and face the world. I'm pissed that I can't get rid of this pain. I feel weak for letting it get the better of me. I can be stronger than that, can't I? But some days it sneeks up on me and throws it's clammy hands around my neck and just stays there taunting me.
I really hadn't intended this to be so depressing, but the whole point is to express your thoughts and feelings and when I sat down to write, this is what came out. I appoligize.....now I have guilt.